Values

Before I left for my 3rd season over seas this year I made consistent trips to Colorado to go skiing with a couple of friends who I also consider family. We made the decision to get season passes to take advantage of our love for the mountains and companionship that only a group of childhood friends can share. There is nothing like flying down the mountain with your best friends strategically planning your next cut with an endless view of the Rocky Mountains in the back drop. You have all the speed you can handle, as much difficulty as you want, and practically an endless playground to explore... (Sometimes when talking about the mountains I get lost in the moment succumbed by tunnel vision, my favorite music playing in my ears, and I feel the adrenaline rush as if I'm flying down the Frenchman.) We did this at least 1-2 times a month for a 3 month spurt to ensure we made the most of our season passes. After our final trip to the mountains and nearing my departure over the pond, the sense of this ski season coming to an end was very evident. One of my friends asked me, "Shane, what are you going to gain from going overseas for another year?"

My first thought was the possibility of ending my career on a high note joining a club with NFL caliber players, a club with tradition, a large roster, and a proven Head Coach; all things of which I had not had the opportunity to experience yet in my professional career. I struggled to answer his question the way I wanted in a swift manner as I stumbled through thoughts of success, desires, love, pride, a willingness to not quit, and lastly a desire to endure once more.

After I blurted out a couple things we kind of sat there for a few more minutes and he said, "So, how much are they paying you this year?" Not flinching for a second to ask because of our open door policy when it comes to honesty between best friends, his girlfriend commented that he shouldn't ask such a question so nonchalantly. I told her it was fine and explained this aspect of European American Football Leagues in my own words...

I don't get paid a lot, but at the same time I don't have to pay for anything.
We get a house with electricity, water, cable, and wifi completely covered.
Roundtrip Flight.
Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner.
Cell Phone.
Medical Insurance.
Gym Membership.
Football Gear.

(For general European contract numbers check out this link:)
http://www.touchdown-europe.net/2014/03/clayton-banner-breaking-down-import.html

Everything in the city is within walking distance, and if you've spent ANY time in Europe you learn very quickly what "walking distance" really means. If the destination is within 20 minutes of walking, it's not worth calling a cab. (This is also my foggy American portrayal, for some Europeans an hour is within reasonable distance...) Some clubs do provide a small car for player transportation depending on the city's structure and location of the accommodation given to the players. Some clubs also provide public transportation passes for brisk rides to and from random checkpoints around the city. I've also experienced this and it can be "interesting" trying to decipher a map you've never seen, in a language you don't understand, while everyone on the bus is staring and smiling at you because of the entertainment you're supplying them.

The things I listed are the tangible, standard contract clauses. The intangibles simply put are, priceless: imagine a vacation you get to go on where you get paid to do whatever it is you love the most in life, you have enough time to make friends that will last a lifetime, and when you come back home you're better than when you left because the whole time you were gone you were sharpening your craft; becoming a better human being, becoming a better friend, a better leader, and have a better understanding of who you really are on the inside. I'm not saying that you can only learn these things when you leave "home" but, when you leave your comfort zone it forces you to land running or fall onto your face. The more extreme the differences, the more we can cherish any scenario and learn to find the light in what seems like an endless amount of darkness.

E.G. You could move from Nebraska to China. Your house is gone, you have a room and only a room, all the food is nothing you've ever eaten, you can't speak the language, and all of your friends are gone, your family too. When you turn on the TV to relax you don't understand a thing, when you go in public you think people are talking about you but you don't know for sure, and when you see somebody that looks friendly you're afraid to reach out. You can adapt and find happiness that you have a TV at all, you should be happy that there are places in public that are pleasant to be in, and eventually you will find the nerve to try and talk to that friendly looking person. The other option is to curl up into a ball and cry yourself to sleep in misery every night mad at the world because what you knew before is no longer your reality.

When my contract is finished and I leave to go back to the US, I feel like the richest person on Earth. I always leave with a full heart, a brain that has learned more than it can fit, a body that is broken down by a long season yet strong because of the struggle it has endured, and a full pocket. Like I said before, probably the best part of the tangible contract is the fact that I don't have to pay for anything so my whole salary goes into savings.

Of course you can always find things worth spending your savings on depending on what you value in life, for me, I value experience. One benefit that you can take advantage of is living near so many vacation destinations. I have been to England, France, Netherlands, Greece, Montenegro, Serbia, Bulgaria, Italy, Belgium, Austria, and Hungary (as of this weekend). Travel is cheaper than you could ever imagine from an American standpoint. Last year I went on a 5 day vacation to the seaside town of Budva, Montenegro for the price of 150 dollars, that included transportation to and from and a condo for 5 nights. It was one of the best vacations I've ever had the chance to go on and I have so many priceless memories from that short 5 days that I will never forget.

I have family here, I have memories here, I have loved here, I have lost here, but most of all I have learned here.

So when people ask me, "What are they paying you?" I think I will start answering with, "Everything."

-One Life

We have enough stories together to talk about for the rest of our lives.

Desires

A clear mind combined with a lot of free time can do a lot to a man. It can do so much to complicate things, clarify everything, or send him running. He doesn't know where he's running, but he's willing to do anything as long as he doesn't have to deal with what he had prior. Trading the known for the unknown can be as justifiable as continuing forward with what that person had always possessed and cherished.

To know that you love something so dearly that you're not willing to give it up for fear of never finding something similar again is... realistic, although rare. Reward cannot be guaranteed to those who venture into the unknown, but it is the thrill of the chase that makes the chase rewarding; we're always able to gain something from stepping into the abyss. The ride, the trials and triumphs, the losses always mean more than the wins, the pain always strikes deeper than the joy, and that's a trade that those people are willing to make in order to grow and learn more about themselves.

We can't foresee how we would act in a situation until the real scenario arises. For example, I've always said that I would be the guy to attack the robber at the bank in order to save the others. But to say and to do are completely different realms of reality, maybe deep down I'm a flyer not a fighter but until the situation arises I'm stuck wondering. I was talking to a wise young woman not too long ago about "talkers" and "walkers" and she described to me the thrill that "talkers" get from explaining how they would act if the scenario presented itself. When a "talker" falls into their story telling euphoria they get feelings of accomplishment while explaining the details as to "how it would go down", as if they were actually succeeding in reality.

I compared this to the instant gratification we undergo while playing video games. Every 10 seconds or so the game will present the player with visual effects or intangible rewards to make them feel like they really just succeeded in their own lives, while in reality they were only twisting their thumbs around vigorously combined with some form of button mashing during that minuscule work period. So when you place that person in front of a pile of wood waiting to be chopped; after 5 minutes of hacking and 3 split logs later they haven't been patted on the back or received any type of unrealistic gratification. Frustration follows and short term happiness is sought once more. That person would rather have an artificial feeling of well being rather than a pure wrestling match on the fine line of success and failure striving to learn something about themselves that they didn't know before.

More or less, I'm looking to describe the chances we can take as humans to help learn more about life in the small amount of time that we have here. I feel that we need to apply ourselves to so many different scenarios and really force ourselves to do things that maybe we don't truly desire but to recall the memories of when we did step into the unknown. Hold onto those memories of when you left love behind, when you tried something you had never done before and surprised yourself with the joy it brought to your life, or a mistake that you made but after it was finished you wouldn't change it because the knowledge you gained was more valuable than the pain you endured.

Whenever I catch myself desiring something, I try, to embrace the process. Striving to recall why I want that so dearly, what am I willing to experience in order to earn that desire? What trades am I willing to make in order to achieve what I do not know as fact? All I can do is sacrifice the present in order to help shape the future that only I can see. Even if I am not "successful" in achieving what I first desired, my triumph will be genuine as I will have undergone struggle, pain, loss, and humility. That's the trade. To keep what we feel is secure and content or to give up everything for the unknown and the small possibility that maybe, just maybe we can be better than our former selves.

But when does the hunger to shape and mold ourselves into better and wiser humans subside you may ask? When the love overrides the desire. When that individual has a deep feeling of understanding, contentment, and happiness. Some find it at different times; some search their whole lives, some stop searching early, some never begin. To never begin is to never finish. There's no error in that, just blindness.

Currently in my own life, I'm doing just that, searching. I keep forcing myself to go through situations that may not seem ideal because I know that while I may wrestle with my feelings, my doubts, my prior decisions, and my life as a whole, I will come out stronger than ever before. I push those around me to the point that they hate me, I'm not afraid to fail, I'm not afraid to lose everything I've ever had. The reason for that is because my desire to endure and overcome is worth more to me than the love that I've found so far. I'm still searching, I'm still growing, I'm still evolving into the person that only I can see.

I only truly know a few things from my short journey thus far: I want to be the best I can be, I want to make those around me better, I want to help make the world a better place, and you can learn something about yourself from every single person you have ever met. Whether that person helped or hurt you, they casted you into scenarios that forced you to learn more about yourself. So when things seem unbearable, reminisce on similar times and how much stronger you were after you got through it. When overcoming things we've never experienced before, we master our fears and teach ourselves how strong our will can really be. After you make a habit of defeating your former self, the world is in the palm of your hand and nobody can take that away.

When that understanding becomes clear, there's a quote that some people may be familiar with...

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

-Marianne Williamson

When we strive to find ourselves, we help others to shine as well. Currently, at this point in my life my medium for helping others is American football. I will continue to do things the right way every second of every day in order to help my team find the light, as we go hand in hand. Some hate me for it, others embrace it, some are confused by it. But what some don't understand is that really I'm still looking for myself and I haven't found him yet. But when I do, I will have found self virtue and all the struggles, doubts, and decisions I have made during my life will be worth the end result. That is why I endure.

-One Life